Are you ready to learn how to live the ‘soft life?’
But first, what does that term even mean? I know I was intrigued when I first heard it.
Is it a lifetime of pampering by a generous husband?
Is it about living in a high-rise and being a boss-babe millionaire?
I quickly found myself doing online searches for the ‘soft life’ and what that meant for me.
What I thought was going to be the cheat code to female empowerment was surface-level jargon about going to the spa, massages, taking bubble baths, and skincare.
No shade, because that is important too.
But it was giving vibes, but not reality.
Nobody was revealing the actual truths behind the amount of sacrifice needed to live a soft life.
Because let’s be real. There are no soft girl money manifestations to save you if your bank account is in overdraft.
There is no such thing as living off vibes or the universe providing, without action.
That’s not how a soft life truly works.
In my own journey of getting my shit together, I quickly learned that the soft life many creators advertised were nothing but myths, lies, and escapism.
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What Is the Soft Life, Really?
The meaning behind the phrase “soft life” originated in the Nigerian influencers, and learning how to live a soft life means to reject hustle culture and to live a life without struggle and stress.
I’ll admit, I’m attracted to expensive and high-quality things. I don’t like struggle.
Which is why I am so adamant about learning how to live a soft life for myself. But let’s get one thing straight.
The soft life is anything but soft.
It’s not candles, skincare, and sipping matcha while you live in ignore life’s responsibilities.
It’s expensive.
Emotionally. Mentally. Financially.
And if you’re not willing to boss up behind the scenes, then all you’ve got is an aesthetic.
Let’s talk about it!
Why Living a Soft Life is Expensive
#1 Money: Learn to Spend Like You’re Building an Exit Plan
A luxury lifestyle isn’t soft if you are stressed out about affording it. It’s important to define what luxury means for you.
Unpopular opinion, I don’t budget. Budgeting gives survival mode to me. I don’t like cutting back my lifestyle or feeling constrained in any kind of way.
This is not to say it doesn’t work. It’s just not for me. Instead, I spend half of my paycheck, while the other half goes into savings. I live within my means.
Some months I spend little to nothing and other months, I’ve bought a plane ticket to another country on a whim.
As a sign of the scales, it’s all about balance.
I have no debt other than my mortgage. Credit cards are paid off before interest hits. An emergency fund is built and being added to. I’m doing okay – for now.
But the goalpost is always moving and you need to move with it.
While I’m not able to do all of the experiences I want to (yet), the luxury I have now is swiping my card for purchases without praying that it goes through.
There is no such thing as living a soft life if money is always an emergency and you’re struggling just to survive.
It’s about being financially intentional – even if that means making temporary sacrifices. A soft life requires financial strategy, not vibes and Afterpay.
How That Looks for Me:
- Saving half my paycheck and transferring the other half to an external savings account
- Buying secondhand furniture and clothes (picky about this but Facebook Marketplace is the GOAT!)
- Living with roommates before I bought my home
- Learning new skills to get a higher-paying role
- Learning to DIY projects where it makes sense (e.g. sewing)
- Learning investing, credit, and building wealth like your life depends on it – because it does
Many lifestyles are based off illusions that they see on social media instead of the actual sacrifice it takes to build or have anything of value.
Financial discipline is key!
#2 Relationships: Stop Entertaining Chaos You’ve Outgrown
Whew…this one is still fresh. I’m still learning this one, even in my 30s.
You can’t have a soft lift with people who are loud about their insecurities. Now, don’t get me wrong. Everyone and I mean, everyone has insecurities.
But when someone chooses to project them onto others because they refuse to heal, then there is no amount of fixing, over-giving, or proving your worth to someone who does not internally believe it themselves.
To keep relationships on how long you have been friends with someone as a way to prove your loyalty is the fastest way to miss out on your dreams and blessings.
Fulfilling, valuable, and genuine relationships don’t work that way.
Having this mindset will make you prime for manipulation, narcissistic behaviors, and burnout.
I get it. You want to uplift others and “win” together. But a soft life means choosing to heal, and it’s not a linear process.
Healing means choosing peace over people who confuse drama and chaos with depth. Walking away is soft life and “that girl” behavior.
And once you hit this level, not everyone gets access to you once you start acting like you matter.
That being said, it’s important to leverage a network and connections to get into affluent spaces.
Networking is nothing more than a professional way of genuinely getting to know people.
Leveraging connections and access is easier than figuring things out on your own. You can still do it, but alignment with people with an abundance mindset and who are goal-oriented is key.
#3 Career: Stop Clocking In For Comfort When You Know You’re Meant for More
I’m still working on this. It’s not that I hate my job per se, I just hate being in a cage.
And what’s crazy is that I’ve made multiple career transitions. The future always seemed bleak…until it wasn’t.
Every job, every career change has led to an increase in salary, skills, and experience. I’m probably the most qualified person to start a business and yet, it took me so long to start.
Eventually, that distant cry for freedom will get louder. And you can’t Pinterest your way to the soft life if your job has you spiritually bankrupt.
Whether it’s your toxic boss or the caged feeling of being on someone else’s business plan, you deserve to live a more fulfilling life.
Here’s How to Start:
- Identify a side hustle or income stream that aligns with your soul (and not just what’s profitable or trending)
- Create before you consume – are you using social media platforms to the fullest extent or are platforms using you?
- Setting boundaries at work – Some people may overextend themselves to be seen at work but that doesn’t mean you have to. Be a team player but not the team workaholic.
- Always having your resume updated and interviewing even if you’re not actively looking for a job
- Knowing when to exit stage left and preparing your exit before desperation kicks in
A soft life means creating income that matches your energy, creativity, and goals – even if that means starting slow without a clear direction.
You might not be able to quit your 9-5 tomorrow, but you can start planting those seeds today.
Comfort will kill your calling if you let it.
#4 Beauty: Just Because The World is Getting Ugly Doesn’t Mean You Have To Be
The soft life is about embodying feminity. It’s loving yourself enough to show up even when no one is looking.
When no one is encouraging you and cheering you on.
When your inner world becomes chaotic, taking care of your outer self is a necessary grounding ritual, not something seen as a chore.
No, this doesn’t mean you need to do a full face of make-up, but it does mean caring for your physical self as a reflection of your internal standards.
This year, I’ve been intentional about my own personal style. When you look put together not for validation but because you like the way you feel when you do, it changes your attitude.
People notice the shift and subconsciously even treat you better. I don’t care if everyone else is dressed like in their pajamas at Wal-Mart, you’re somebody important and you need to act like it.
What That Means:
- Moving your body on the daily (doesn’t have to be hardcore exercise at the gym – it could be simple as gardening or going for a walk around the neighborhood)
- Creating a self-care routine for hair, skin, and nails. Cleaning out your beauty drawer of old and expired products and being intentional about products you use.
- Doing things for the enjoyment of it and not what the beauty industry convinces of you – I wear my natural hair with butterfly clips to heal my inner child and I still look good everywhere I go.
#5 Mindset: Stop Romanticizing Struggle + Choose Peace Over Purpose
When change is on the horizon, you’ll notice some of us are more comfortable suffering than succeeding because they were never shown softness as a safe option.
But the soft life starts in the mind. You have to stop normalizing stress, chaos, procrastination, and survival mode as your personality.
Productivity, hard work are all tenets of capitalism. I’ve fallen victim to this, working three part-time jobs when I was younger and bragging about how hard I worked. Ew. Never again.
You are allowed to unlearn the idea that you must earn rest, joy, or peace. Soft life is about giving yourself permission to thrive without apology.
What that actually looks like:
- Challenging thoughts that tell you ease is “lazy” or “unrealistic”
- Letting go of guilt when you do less, rest more, or prioritize yourself
- Replacing the “struggle story” you keep repeating with one rooted in worth
- Affirming softness as your standard, not your reward
- Protecting your peace the same way you used to protect your pain
This Post Has Shown You How to Live the Soft Life
There’s no need to overhaul your life in one night. Feminine structure isn’t about perfection, it’s about practice.
Every day that you show up for yourself, the closer you get to building a life that feels more like you.
